- 18 May 2009
READINESS: Readiness is the one phase of the ten-phase super sex model that was focused upon by the first three perspectives. Readiness refers to the body’s response to interest and arousal. It is the physiological reaction that accompanies interest and arousal, the tumescence stage, when blood rushes to erotic areas of the body, including the genitals, preparing for body-to-body interaction. Readiness is an entire body response, not just a genital response. Remember, lack of readiness does not mean lack of interest or arousal. Research does not support such a relationship. Readiness is a reflex, and can take place with little arousal and be absent even when there is a great deal of both interest and arousal.
Your own experience teaches you that you have been aroused, but not ready. Sometimes you have awakened ready, but not aroused. You have been interested and ready, but not aroused. You have been ready, but not interested, and your desire, your frequency might or might not have reflected any of these changes in the sexual system, because sex is really not an automatic cycle, it is a system of interactions of different mind and body states. The cycle orientation of the first three perspectives mislead us. Use your own experience as the couples did and you will see that sexuality is not some type of automatic slide, but a complex mind/body interaction. This fourth perspective emphasizes the subjective experiences of the couples rather than the observational orientation of earlier perspectives.
“I know you think I’m ready,” reported the husband. “You think I’m always ready. Well, I’m not. My penis does not speak for me.”
“If I can’t tell by your penis, how am I supposed to know if you are ready?” asked the wife.
The orientation of the first perspectives is clear in this exchange. Both partners have confused what the body does with how the person feels.
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